


Back to Normal

by triste



Series: Academia AU - EnAli [2]
Category: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 11:36:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2691491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triste/pseuds/triste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alibaba and his battle to lose weight. Because it’s always Kouen’s fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back to Normal

Title: Back to Normal  
Author: Triste  
Fandom: Magi  
Pairing: Kouen/Alibaba  
Rating: PG-13  
Status: Complete  
Disclaimer: Not mine

(Ties in with Something Good Out of It aka oh no I wrote more of this stupid academia AU thing).

~~

Alibaba sometimes wonders why he forgets that Kouen has absolutely no tact or subtlety. He’s not someone who changes his ways easily. He’s stubborn and about as far from diplomatic as it’s possible to be. He’s also incredibly blunt and to the point, and Alibaba finds himself rudely reminded of this when, for once, he decides to take the initiative because, well, he’s kind of horny and Kouen always looks good when he’s wearing his reading glasses. Settling himself into Kouen’s lap, Alibaba prepares himself for the inevitable “not now, I’m busy” or “can’t it wait?” response that he gets whenever he tries to get between Kouen and his work. 

Strangely Kouen doesn’t brush him off. Taking it as a good sign, Alibaba makes himself a little more comfortable, leaning in closer and sliding his arms around Kouen’s neck, nuzzling the side of it and breathing in Kouen’s scent. It’s all going great until Kouen kills the mood by opening his mouth.

“You’ve gained weight.”

It’s not even a question. He says it like he knows it’s a fact.

“You’re imagining things,” Alibaba tells him, partly in an attempt to salvage the situation, but mostly because he doesn’t want to believe it.

“No,” Kouen argues, “you’re definitely heavier than usual.”

There’s an awkward silence before Alibaba extracts himself with as much grace and dignity as he can muster, ignoring the way Kouen’s gaze follows him to the bathroom. 

“Are you weighing yourself?” he calls as Alibaba pulls out the scales.

“Be quiet!” he shouts back, stepping on them gingerly and grimacing when he gets a proper reading.

“How many pounds did you put on?” 

“Mind your own business!”

Shooting a resentful glare at both Kouen and the scales, Alibaba’s next destination is the bedroom where he changes into a tee shirt and a pair of old track pants.

“I’m going out for some fresh air,” he announces.

“You mean exercise.” Kouen isn’t fooled. He also isn’t fazed when Alibaba gives him a scowl that would make babies cry. “And bring some take-out on your way back,” he adds as Alibaba slams the door.

It’s probably because he’s so pissed off, but Alibaba surprises himself at first with his own speed when he sets off on a jog. It brightens his bad mood somewhat, because he may have gained weight but he still seems to be in decent shape.

Then he starts running out of breath and has to stop for a few minutes to catch it again.

This isn’t right, Alibaba thinks to himself in confusion. He shouldn’t have any problems with his current pace. He used to run all the time during school. He used to practice for kendo club every morning before classes and then again after they’d ended. He used to be fit. He used to be healthy.

And then he went to college, Alibaba remembers suddenly, and college is where he met Kouen. 

The more he thinks about it, the more convinced he becomes that it’s all Kouen’s fault. 

It’s the little things like how Kouen is so easily distracted by his work, even in the middle of eating meals, and how Alibaba has a tendency to finish Kouen’s food off for him because it would be wasteful otherwise.

Like how Kouen has a bad habit of reading in bed while Alibaba is trying to sleep and then waking him up a couple of hours later because he refuses to turn the light off, which inevitable leads to Alibaba wandering to the kitchen for a late night snack (and because he might as well eat something since he’s already up, right?). 

Alibaba slumps to the ground, resisting the urge to bang his head against a nearby lamppost. 

No wonder he’s gained weight. Additional food intake aside, Kouen’s semi-nocturnal lifestyle has had a bad influence on him. He’s not sleeping properly, he’s not eating the right things at the right time...

Too deep in his own despair, Alibaba doesn’t even notice the hand on his shoulder shaking him until the sound of someone’s voice breaks through the black mist in his mind.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Alibaba raises his head to see Sharrkan staring down at him in concern. The sight of a familiar face along with the recognition of his many failings is all it takes to make him latch onto the passerby’s waist with a muffled sob.

“What the heck?” Understandably, Sharrkan looks taken aback by Alibaba’s incomprehensible wailing, but he recovers by hauling Alibaba to his feet and slapping him on the back and solving the problem in an appropriately manly manner. “I dunno what’s going on here, but I was on my way to the bar anyway. Wanna tell me what’s wrong over a drink?”

Alibaba does just that, gulping down his first glassful before slamming it onto the table. “My life is sooo haaard!”

Sharrkan seems to have some idea of where this conversation is going, and he raises an eyebrow in bemusement as he samples his own drink. “In what way?”

“Because...” Alibaba sniffles miserably. “Because... Because...”

“Because?”

“BECAUSE KOUEN-SAN!”

Sharrkan gives an “I should have known” sigh and Alibaba throws himself down next to his glass, raising his hand to wave the bartender over for more booze. It takes him over half an hour to explain just how horrible Kouen is and how much he hates him for making him fat, but it’s thirty minutes too long if Sharrkan’s expression is anything to go by. He’s never had much empathy in the first place, and he can only tolerate Alibaba’s whining for so long before he loses patience.

“I see,” he says when Alibaba finally goes quiet, looking like he wishes he’d rather be somewhere else. “So that’s why you’ve been hitting the bottle lately.”

“Huh?” Alibaba blinks at him through teary-eyed confusion.

“You’re not usually much of a drinker,” Sharrkan says, “so I kind of wondered what made you change.”

It doesn’t seem to be relevant at first, but then it hits him. Sharrkan is right. Alibaba has never been fond of drinking. The only reason he’s been doing it more is to forget his problems.

Alibaba jerks upright with a gasp at the sudden realisation. More problems lead to more alcohol consumption, and more alcohol means more calories. More calories means more weight gain, and more weight gain means more misery.

“I’m such a fool!” he cries, banging his fist on the table. “What should I do to cure my stupidity?”

“Well, I guess you could always go home?” Sharrkan suggests, now very obviously tired of keeping Alibaba company. “Besides, it’s getting late. Kouen is probably worried about you.”

“No he’s not,” Alibaba mutters, refusing to take Sharrkan’s hint and leave him to pick up girls in peace.

And that’s when his cell phone rings.

“See?” Sharrkan says, looking over and pointing out Kouen’s caller ID. “What did I tell you?”

Alibaba offers a watery smile, relieved to know Kouen cares about him after all, and answers the call.

“Where the hell is my take-out?” Kouen demands.

Alibaba disconnects him. The click that echoes in his ears afterwards is almost like the sound of his sanity snapping. It’s cleared his mind at any rate, and he knows now what he needs to do.

“Thanks for the drinks,” he says.

Sharrkan raises a hand in acknowledgement, or maybe to ward off Alibaba’s evil aura. “Try not to kill anyone on your way home.” 

Alibaba spends the next few days on a mission to lose weight. He clears his apartment of any temptation (so that’d be all the cookies, the crackers, the potato chips and Kouen’s beloved cup ramen). He eats breakfast instead of skipping it like he’d normally do. He cooks meals consisting of vegetables, vegetables and yet more vegetables. When he feels like snacking on something, he buys fruit. He goes to sleep early and wakes up early, just like he used to. 

Kouen is confused at first by Alibaba’s attempts to change their lifestyles for the better, but resists it in typical mulish fashion once he figures out what’s happening. Then he gets confused when Alibaba doesn’t get intimated. 

He’s not used to dealing with someone so perpetually foul tempered and domineering. It’s like having to deal with himself.

Eventually it gets to the point where he has to seek out advice, and Koumei is the one he ends up calling. 

“Alibaba’s gone insane,” he says. “He keeps trying to make me healthy. Do something.”

“You’re my brother and I love you dearly,” Koumei replies, “but you’re not my problem anymore. I’m sure Alibaba will do a wonderful job taking care of you so I no longer have to.”

Then the line goes dead. 

Kouen tries his other brother next, again forgoing any greeting when Kouha picks up.

“What’s the quickest way to lose weight?”

Kouha hums thoughtfully, far too used to Kouen to be offended by his brusqueness or to even ask why he wants to know. “The usual stuff, I guess? You know, eat less, exercise more.”

“Anything else?” Kouen presses.

“Just exercise, or so I’ve heard. Lots and lots of exercise. It’s not like I’ve ever had to go on a diet before, so don’t take my word for it.” Kouha’s tone brightens. “Wait, isn’t sex supposed to be a good way to burn calories? That’s technically exercise too, right?”

There’s only one way to find out whether it’s true, and it starts with Kouen manhandling Alibaba into the bedroom.

“What are you doing?!” Alibaba says, struggling against Kouen’s grip. 

“Helping you lose weight,” Kouen says, tossing him onto the futon. “Now take your clothes off and get ready for your workout.”

“With what?”

“My cock.”

Alibaba looks at him like he’s the crazy one, but Kouen doesn’t care. He also doesn’t give Alibaba any time for his self-preservation instinct to kick in. He’s going to fuck him thin and then everything can go back to normal.


End file.
